Predisposed to Pin

Do you "pin"? I have a "Style" board, a "Hair" board, a "Decoration Inspiration" board and even a "Honey Do" board. Heck, I even found my wedding dress on Pinterest, followed it all the way to Nastygal.com, one click and it was mine for the weddin! Pinning is like circling the toys you wanted from the Sears catalogue as a kid. It is decidedly a more productive time suck than facebook (in my humble opinion) if even after a while it begins to feel a bit like collective consciousness on crack. I am not a pessimist by nature, but the fear sometimes seeps in that in that in every turn, each new internet forum for expression is just aiding in destroying all unique and individual tastes. Or maybe not every young hip home maker digs pallet furniture and wine bottle lanterns...Maybe I just follow the ones that do (baaa[sheep]). Then again I do believe that we create our own destinies, we are inspired by what we see and create, and we are what we surround ourselves with, Pinterest just being one big cyberboard of attraction. If public inspiration boards bring to life a creative spark to those who would otherwise be uninspired to create, even if we are all creating the same things, well... so be it. I mean, couldn't the world possibly suffer less with an abundance of upright herb gardens and repurposed Tee shirt jewelry? Love it or fear it, I do it, and damn it if it doesn't feel good. For now and as far as I can see, I can not imagine putting down the pin. I believe in the law of attraction, as in "If you pin it, it will come." For example, this week I took this recipe that I pinned from aaplemint.com for a Moroccan Chicken Burger, tweaked it with the ingredients that I could muster,and served it to my honey with a side of hummus and raw veggies and a glass of red. Yum.

The Importance of Being Ernesto

I am surprised that I am almost a month into this blog and have yet to introduce someone so very important to me. Ernest is our cat. He is special for many reasons, but the two most important to me are 1. He filled a hole in my soul that came to be when I lost "Flo Kitty", my constant companion, my other, my soul mate of 9 years. 2. He pounced on Kayla's heartstrings, bequeathing her if not a "cat person", certainly a lover of the obligatory cat presence that will forever reside in any den of mine. He is orange. He is fluffy. He has thumbs. He frowns and furrows. He pounces and stalks, but not with so much grace as determination and complete lack of regard and self consciousness. He is the most co dependent cat I have ever met. Ernest loves cardboard and paper bags. Put a cardboard box in front of him and he will bite of a piece and play with it, one at a time, until the bitten of piece becomes a mushy, papery, tattered excuse for cardboard, and then go back for another. He will jump in your grocery bag and let you carry him around. He will raid your purse, chew on its straps, and confiscate your snacks. If you are a visitor in our home, Ernest will demand your attention, just like any floopy loppy dog that you have ever met, and jump right up on your knee to be petted and recognized. He comes when you call his name, entering the room with a "Kramer" a la Seinfeld like quality, compared to his every day shuffle. Ernest gets away with a lot, due to his good looks and dopey charm. He is lazy by day, fiercely affectionate and cuddly by night. As soon as the dogs are crated and Stella has slunk away for some alone time, we open our books and Ernest is right on our chests, demanding nightly pets. He sleeps beside me, under the covers, head on my pillow, paw in my hand (just like Flo Kitty used to do), until Kayla's morning alarm goes off, when he trades my arms for hers and tempts her with his cuddly purring charm to stay, stay, stay in bed all day. Once she is up and breakfasting, coffee"ing", getting ready for work"ing"... Ernest stays snuggled by my side until I decide it is time for us both to get up. My Big Foot, My Pumpkin Head, My Prized Pig, My little Man, My Green Eyed Ginger Dream, how do I love thee? There are too many ways to count.

We worked on our landscaping project for the better part of the afternoon. We got some landcaping stones from our friends who are moving out of state soon. We were able to build this cute little bed next to our existing patio with the stones that we resourced. It inspired us to go ahead and continue our original plan of making a gravel patio on one side, only we will wrap it all the way around our existing patio slab to the other side, meeting up with the bed that we built today.

Once the bed was finished, we started clearing the grass to prepare for the patio. By the end of our work session I had a sunburn, calloused palms, a blister that popped immediately and barely a quarter of the patio area cleared. Here is what our construction zone looks like.

Big Picture: Imagine a white gravel patio swarming from the edge of the new bed all the way to the end of the house on the left side. I envision a flowy, curvy border.

After showers and rest we headed over to the new Kava Bar in our neighborhood to meet our friends. Interesting concept for a business. They only serve Kava and tea. They recommend three cups of kava (served in a coconut shell, alongside another coconut shell filled with pineapple slices). You drink the first one quick, then the second, then sip the third. We got numby mouths and felt very giggly and utterly relaxed. It was a good time.

Peach Chicken Salad

A couple of falls ago, we went to Fredericksburg, TX for a weekend and went on a wine tour. Our last stop was William and Chris Winery, and we fell in love. Everything about the tasting building is rustic and repurposed. The grounds are very quaint, and the people who make it and serve it are great. Their wine is organically made, and they are just one step away from being "certified organic." What's better? The wine is delicious! We joined their wine club right away, which means that every 3 or 4 months we get a shipment of at least 2 bottles. They send recipes to make that pair well with the wine selections that they send. On one of our first shipments we got this recipe (I will share our modified version of it since we hate onions and Kayla hates celery.) It is Texas peach season once again, we just got a fresh shipment of William and Chris, so we made this awesome Peach Chicken Salad. Ingredients 2 chicken breasts, baked or smoked, cubed/ 1 cup seedless grapes, halved/ 6 cloves of garlic/ 1/4 cup fresh basil leaves, cut into thin strips/ 1 cup slivered almonds/ 3/4 cup to 1 cup mayo/ Cayenne pepper to taste/ 1 cup cubed Texas Peaches (preferably over-ripe) 1. In a large bowl, mix everything together, Chill, and Serve! 2. Enjoy in the middle of the afternoon with an awesome glass of wine!

$$$

Yesterday Kayla and I made an important step toward our thriving financial future. Now that we are a combined income family, we felt like it was time to see where we are in terms of retirement. I have an IRA through one of my clients who is a CFP and he has been bugging me to have this meeting for about 3 years. We expected to leave the meeting feeling a little down about ourselves and our financial situation. My tendency is to be intimidated by those that have more money marbles than I do, and to shy away from facing my situtation, often describing it as feeling "under water". The truth is I have felt underwater in the money department most of my life. I never would have pegged myself as someone who would meet with a "financial planner" or that I would even benefit from one. To our suprise, we left feeling quite inspired and capable of making the changes needed to get where we need to be. I was impressed by the ideas that he brought to the table that we didn't have the resources to realize on our own. Lots of new exciting prospects for financial growth were brought to our attention! I am working on shedding the idea that I am not worthy of having a rich financial life. When I say "rich", I am not suggesting that my goal is to live in a million dollar home, become a member of a country club, have fancy cars and vacation homes, or whatever it is that "rich" people do. I want to get to a place within myself where I know that I deserve the wealth that I have. I want to continue to work on my relationship with money. I think that when you consider yourself a "broke" person, you have a tendency to devalue the money that is in your pocket. The attitude that I carried for a long time was "I dont know when I am going to have this much money again, so I might as well spend it on something that makes me feel good right now," as if I felt that I was incapable of ever being rich enough to be truly secure, so the moment I got a few dollars in the bank, or a new credit card, I went out to spend it in order to achieve that temporary, immediate satisfied feeling of owning something new, of being able to buy something. I have broken myself of that habit, thankfully. It has been an organic process that has been in the works for some time. My relationship with money started drastically changing when Kayla and I got serious into our relationship. Money can steer the dynamic of a romantic partnership, and I have experienced it from every direction. When we started dating I think we both had some preconceived ideas about how things should work financially in our next relationship, based on our previous experiences, and wanted to keep a dynamic of equality intact, meaning separate finances. Waves of change occurred over the years, and those needs started to reveal themselves as product of old baggage. Ulitimately, like every other component of our relationship, Kayla and I were finally able to shed those notions, and work toward a financial situation that more reflected what our unit has come to mean to us. Our ability to arrive at this point together, fully trusting one another is an accomplishment that I am proud of, and so grateful for. Here is to security, trust...and always love!

Just us.

No TV. Just music. It must be Ani DiFranco night. I went back to yoga today. I made art. I made some home made cleaning products. Kayla came home from work and we made a delicious dinner of sweet potatoes and carrots and spicy kale. We had dinner on the patio. The weather is still gorgeous. Im not sure why, but it is still cool at night and feels like rain could come down at any moment. There is a magical feeling in the air. My wife is making clutches and I am basking in the music. Peace, y'all. Life is sweet.

P.S. You too, can make all purpose cleaner. All you need is liquid soap, borax, vinegar, distilled water, a 16 oz squirt bottle, a funnel, and scented essential oil of your choice. Here is how to do it! 1. Heat your distilled water on the stove. 2. Meanwhile, using a funnel, masure 2 tablespoons of vinegar and 1 teaspoon of borax into the squirt bottle. 3. Pour hot water into squirt bottle. 4. Put lid on it and shake to dissolve borax. 5. Add 1/4 cup liquid soap. I use Dr. Bronners Castile liquid soap. 6. Scent with 15-30 drops of your favorite essential oil. I use peppermint because it smells clean. This cleaner is cheaper than the all purpose that you buy at the store because your ingredients last longer and a little goes a long way. It is also healthier for your home, your pets, and your babies! Yay!

Food and Plants

Last night we had our friends Jenny and Shae over for movie night. Between the four of us, we cooked up an amazing spread! Apple and gorgonzola spinach salad, devilled eggs, cayenne roasted almonds and cheddar, mexican dip, black bean dip, and fresh pico. We love food, we love wine, and we love to entertain! We were totally stoked to use all of the serveware that we got as wedding gifts. We watched Bridesmaids, and then took the party outside and talked and laughed well into the night.

We worked out in the yard for most of the afternoon. We are chipping away at the landscaping projects that we have going. A couple of weeks ago we bought this native Texas plant, and finally got it into the ground today. Kayla is a novice at wine bottle flower bed trimming, so she did the border, only using Topo Chico bottles this time. I like how the yellow and green accents from the Topo bottles look against our orange house. It feels cheery. We also fanned these pavers around it. Soon, we will fill that area with rocks or gravel or something else pretty. Coming along quite nicely, I think! We also got a bunch of these tiny adorable succulents to scatter about.

Enough back breaking work for one day. Now for some DIY channel and tea.

On a Bicycle Built for Two

When I was planning our wedding, I came across this site called On A Bicycle Built for Two. It features only lesbian weddings. It was a cool source of inspiration for me to see what other lesbian couples did to make their day special. Naturally, I submitted our wedding to the site, along with a little blurb about our wedding. She ran ours the next day! Here is the link. http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2012/05/wedding-shondi-kayla.html

The Cool Married Club

I took the weekend off from blogging. We had a Weird Science themed surprise birthday party to attend on Friday night. Saturday we went to Marble Falls to join Camp Pizza. Camp Pizza was a weekend camping/wedding event for Kayla's workmates, Henri and Sara. They got married on Saturday evening. A lot of the others were camping out on Friday as well, but we joined them in time for a tree house party, followed by lots of wedding fun. The wedding was super sweet, and champagne corks arbitrarily popped during the ceremony. Afterwards we had wonderful wine, amazing food, and a very fun dance party. The Alamo crew knows how to throw down a good time and I always enjoy hanging out with them. On our drive home we started chatting about some of the other couples that we really enjoy spending time with. There are several guys who work in Kayla's department that she has always admired, and one attribute that they have in common is that they have awesome marriages. Once I met and spent a little time with them with their wives I understood the appeal. There isn't one guy from this category whom you would meet and within 10 minutes or so not know that he had a wife, and that he thinks his wife is awesome. I have spent some time with both of these couples and am also impressed by their mutual respect, obvious friendship, and pronounced commitment to their relationship. This struck a conversation about marriage in general. This seems to be a topic that we enjoy! We talked about how there seems to be a new wave of folks who are putting a new value on marriage. We consider ourselves to be part of this club. Marriage might have started to be looked upon pessimistically because a lot of folks in our culture don't take it seriously. We may have realized that one rusty idea of marriage seems like an institution that derived from something that our culture no longer stands for. Many of us are children of failed marriages and haven't grown up with much hope that it works. Many have been through marriages and realized that they were based on something that wouldn't stick, a need to please others, or maybe to be respected in our families, a pregnancy, or just an attempt at a marriage with a person without having a mutual and clarified understanding as to why the hell you were entering into it. But alas! Quite possibly something other than pessimism has been derived from the way some us have experienced our lives as products of our culture. The difference might be that we get married a little later than people historically have. We are experiencing ourselves as individuals a little longer than we used to. We have entered into other relationships without the end result of marriage being in mind. There is no pressure from ourselves because we have taken the need for that pressure away. We are individually capable of living our lives. We are individually capable of supporting ourselves and living meaningful, creative and successful lives. So it is a different thing all together when we spend time with another person and say "Hey, I want to marry you." It isn't because of God or because of parents or because of babies or romance, necessarily, and certainly not entirely. It is because we value ourselves, we value another person, and we value a partnership. The partnership, the relationship, the marriage...becomes an entity of its own. We value a relationship model where two people can together be better than one of those people can be on their own. It is because we have met that person who is so awesome, compliments us so greatly, helps us to better stand for what we stand for, better be who we want to be, that we decide to get married. That is awesome.

Here we are at Camp Pizza!

Date Night!

Date night once a week is now a mandatory event! We started the first week's date night at Snack Bar on South Congress. We like it because they have lots of gluten free options, locally sourced, organic and righteously raised food, awesome atmosphere, fancy drinks, Wine Wednesdays, is close to home and you can bring your dog! Bertie came to our date night with us because he needs to practice being polite, and we feel that it's important that he "be his own dog." He tends to follow the lead of Marybelle, and act like a jerk in public when they are together, so we thought it might be good for them to practice going out separately. He is much more polite and even a bit timid without his big bad chihuahua by his side. We came across a dog named "Natalia" close to the end of the night that displayed the worse manners ever! She jumped onto her mom's table and wouldn't stop yipping at all the dogs and people around her. We left before Natalia and her mom got too engrossed in their mom and dog date, but not before we got an eyeful of Natalias mom's underpants as she leaned over in her dress to attend to the bad dog. Overall, it was a great evening. This couscous salad was the bomb. It had cojita cheese, sliced avocado, a slice of pineapple and a vinagrette. Yummo! We think we should make this at home, and even pondered throwing a fried egg over it for a breakfast snack. Also on the menu: brussel sprouts, a 31 dollar bottle of vino (delicious!) at half off, and a garden salad with grilled jumbo ship. At the end of the night we were tired, and passed out on the bed with the lights on. I woke up to close down the house and had to snap this shot of my adorable family on the bed. Only the pumpkin head cat (and myself of course) is missing from the photo.

Power in a Word

One of my favorite clients/friends came in for a haircut today. He is half of one of the most inspirational couples that I know, and a very thoughtful, creative, innovative, kind, and generous individual. Our visits are often silly and light, but never without a thoughtful interlude or discussion about family, relationships, marriage, spirituality and small business management. He and his wife came to our wedding and of course we had to dish about the event, a little over a week later. We chatted about the connection that was found at their dinner table during our reception. They were seated at a four top table with another lesbian couple that we know, and they hit it off right from the start. I put so much love and energy into the seating arrangement, and I knew that he and his wife would get along well with the ladies we sat them next to. It turns out that they were curious at best about the couple they were seated with, but within a few minutes they knew that it must have been purposeful on our part. They were so thrilled with the arrangement that they exchanged numbers at the end of the night. He wanted to talk about my family being there, commenting on his observation about my parents, other folks that he met, and of course the band. The discussion then moved on to life after the wedding. "Will you refer to Kayla as "wife" now?" He asked. It is a valid question, since in our culture thus far, we don't have a norm, per say for what to call your same sex partner. To one another, probably like many other couples, Kayla and I refer to each other in more than one way. Sometimes we call each other "wife" or "wifey". Sometimes I call Kayla "husband", and she even refers to herself as "husband", though that is more a playful term of endearment reserved for the two of us. I appreciated the question because it made me realize that sometimes my behavior in public, to strangers, or to new clients for instance, is subconsciously intentionally designed to be palatable to a wide range of audiences. I answered that I usually refer to Kayla as "my partner", but I still often call her "my girlfriend". I appreciate that he asked me the question because it made me think about why I call her either of those things. It is second nature for me to call her my "partner" because that is the word that has become to be understood in our modern language to mean "same sex spouse", or even in some cases, an opposite sex spouse that for one reason or the other is not married or does not want to be referred to as married. His response to my answer was that he often finds it confusing when people refer to one another as "partner", for instance a man and woman that he knows who work together refer to one another as "partner", though he knows that they are romantically involved. He wonders if they are referring to their business or personal relationship. When I refer to Kayla as my partner I assume that people find it easy to distinguish because Kayla and I are not running a business together, but we live together and are building a life together. He shared that after he and his wife were married, he felt so proud to refer to her as "wife". He says it isn't even to do that much about her, but about the status that it refers to. "I am a married person. I am not dating, I am not even seriously dating. I am married. I have reached the point in life where I am making serious, important, permanent decisions." The entire conversation leaves me thoughtful, and I'm grateful for it. It reminds me that there is often a part of us that is kept closeted, even those of us that live our lives out loud in almost every way. We let others assume things about us because it is easier sometimes to not have to explain. I am reminded of when I was 19 and realizing this amazing truth about myself, and it felt like the deepest breath of fresh air on the inside, but facing the world that I had known up to that point I felt suffocated. A strange dichotomy is feeling so free and proud on one hand, but on the other, terrified and trembling at the idea of translating that new found freedom and pride out loud. My response to that fear was to shave my head, stop wearing make up, and don combat boots and baggy ripped up jeans. I have long been able to look back on that time in my life and recognize the reason for drastically changing the way that I looked. If I was unattractive to men, and stood out as an irregular girl or a girl that didn't give a fuck what people thought about how I looked, then I could get my message across without having to speak it out loud. I did not have the support or the confidence or the courage to tell everyone that I was a lesbian, so I turned myself into a walking billboard. I am thankful that I no longer suffer that fear on the level that can be paralyzing, but I am reminded that I do still suffer from a self inflicted need to please others. I am thankful that I work in an industry and live in a community that allows me to be outspoken about who and what I am. But there are still times when I hesitate to share something that my listener might not give a second thought to, and it comes from a rooted (unjust and irrational) fear that I will no longer be a "legitimate" member of society in their eyes. Maybe that is why I don't call Kayla "my wife" without a second thought. After all, it is just a word, but my friend and client reminded me today that there is great great power in a word.