Woman Centric Life

The greatest universally understood goal in trying to achieve conception when consciously baby planning is to relax and eliminate stress. So silly because the conscious planning in itself is anxiety fructifying. That said I believe that I have been residing in a pretty awesome place since shortly after my last blog entry. The entry itself brought support via social media that was quite sweet and appreciated. Two women in particular that I hardly knew reached out and resulted in my inspiration to start a private lesbian baby planning support group on Facebook! The three of us planning to carry, along with our wives can now swap stories, share blogs, books, and offer inspiration and support. It has been a really cool thing thus far, and I doubt I would have gotten the idea if I hadn't been faced with the news of the dreaded high FSH levels. Its refreshing to find other couples with similar goals and lifestyles, also lesbians, to share in the journey of becoming parents, the not so old fashioned and sometimes incredibly overwhelming and confusing way. Then there are my precious jewels, the ladies with which we have developed close relationships with over the last few years, coming together for an uplifting impromptu dinner party last week. It was that night that I felt my anxiety truly begin to melt away. There is such great power in the support you gain from the people that know you and love you best, and unconditionally. It is no secret that we lead a female centric life, so it is actually no surprise to me that this is the place my soul has dug it's heels into, in preparation for our pregnancy attempts. I revel in my relationship with my amazing partner, in our cuddly monkeys and in the joy that these kick ass women bring to our lives. I am doing yoga, getting acupuncture treatments, taking herbs, and treating my body well. All of the above turns out to be my recipe for stress relief. I am finding myself observing throughout the days leading up to our first attempt, the peacefulness and stillness in my heart. It's all good.

Fertility

We had our "plan of care" visit with the new OBGYN on Friday. I was expecting her to go over all of the blood work and proclaim that my health and fertility hath no bounds and that we were good to go for an IUI. Instead, she told me that my FSH (Follicular stimulating hormone) levels tested "alarmingly high" which is "indicative" of poor ovarian reserve. This could be a challenge in trying to conceive, and could mean higher risk of miscarriage. She gave us a rundown of options, from giving us a maximum of three cycles without intervention, three IUI cycles with Clomid, or heading straight to a reproductive endocrinologist for stronger fertility drugs or IVF. In a span of 10 minutes or less we discussed multiple birth risks, prices, the question of early menopause running in my family, etc. I sat there smiling and nodding, feeling composed, almost as if I was expecting this news, showing no indication that I would clam up 15 minutes later in the parking lot and drive home stone faced, feeling hopeless and negative. I tried to cry, but the tears were forced. It was fight or flight to me at that moment and I didn't know which option to choose. I went from feeling like a virile young and strong 33 year old woman to a prematurely aging case, broken, eggs shriveling by the minute. Since then I have gotten a second opinion from my acupuncturist. Her opinion is that I will be able to treat my body with herbs and acupuncture to lower the FSH level. I am already responding to the treatments that we have been doing over my last cycle, my 12 day ultrasound did show a follicle and I am ovulating, so those are all good signs. We decided to go ahead with the IUI next month without drug intervention and see what happens. It is ironic. We went into the search for an OB that would perform IUI, rather than head straight to a fertility clinic (the only direction we were pointed by three separate OBGYN's in the last two years) with the opinion that I should not have to be treated as a fertility challenge since I had no reason to believe I would have problems getting pregnant, only to be faced with this news by our new favorite OB. I am working through the emotions that something like this packs on, the internal issues it brings up. It is one moment at a time. Meditation and yoga are to be my right and left hand ladies over the next month. Wish us luck!