Last Leg

As I compose this, surprisingly composed as I do, I could have cancer. On the flip side,I could be 0 to 30 hours away from the biggest relief of my life. After a series of events that could turn out to be a blessing, non issues, or one complicated decision laced with painful and difficult decisions, I sit here on the last leg of my waiting period, succumbing to whatever lies directly ahead. You see, I could be 8 days pregnant and diagnosed with breast cancer. I am this close to receiving news that could mean a plethora of new realities for Kayla and me. From one end of the spectrum to the other I have been randomly putting my finger on the map of hypothetical new realities and analyzing what it would mean to be faced with each one. This is torturous, I know. It is what well meaning friends and family advise you to avoid. But it's how I do. And somehow it makes me feel more prepared for whatever I am about to go through. Here are the scenarios, whittled down to the basics, in order from most desirable to least desirable.
Scenario 1: I am pregnant. I do not have cancer.
Scenario 2: I am not pregnant. I do not have cancer.
Scenario 3: I am not pregnant. I have cancer.
Scenario 4: I am pregnant. I have cancer.