Morning, garden.

The last week has been so full in that we began to take some tangible steps to fulfill our dream of family, yet the stress of the details are such that many nights are tearful and many days are so rigged with anxiety that the regular stuff seems to elude me. I got in my car to run errands the other day and realized only as I was backing out of my driveway that I had not put in my contacts. Thankfully I had packed my glasses, in the event that my eyes got too itchy from allergies and I would need to remove said contacts. Heh. But yeah, I should back up. We have been dreaming of starting a family, or better yet expanding from dog and cat children to actual human children, for years. Many factors make now seem like the appropriate time, the most pressing being my biological clock. This little detail is hard to ignore, and tends to put the pressure on the already difficult decisions that we are trying to make during this season of our marriage. I will say that with the tears, the anxiety, and mountains of challenge that we are treading each day, comes a sense of comfort knowing that my person is trucking along side of me. In one week we have experienced the gamut of emotion. We have even processed surprise guests like uncertainty and fear, doubts and challenges to our values that seemed to come out of left field. At the end of the day it is always the same question. Do we envision ourselves with a child, or with children? Are we willing to take this step believing in our abilities to parent a healthy, happy, thriving little person? The answer to those questions is yes. Many of the other answers still bounce around unanswered. I suppose there will be unknowns every step of the way. Historically, it is this precise sort of coasting on the tides of unanswered questions that make me the most uncomfortable. But for some reason I am handling it very well. Is it possible that I am shedding unhealthy processes and adopting a Zen like approach to problem solving? I think the main difference that I am noticing in myself now is my ability to stay present. There is a here and now and it is so delicious in its ripeness. Every morning I take a little stroll around the back yard to see how everyone is doing. Today I took photos of our green friends, and some of the things that Kayla has built or is building that make me happy and proud.

Like Whoa

Happy election season, everyone!  I have layers of emotions to pilfer through. There are four major competing emotions.  These four culprits are to blame for my lack of expression, pertaining to this blog specifically.  When so many areas of my mind are clogged up in competition for my attention, it is difficult for me to believe that I am capable of expressing anything that isn't regurgitated or lackluster, with all of the BS that is swarming our senses literally every second that we "plug in". 

Since this is supposed to be a blog about marriage, more specifically a blog about an unrecognized gay marriage, I feel obligated to keep up with the blog, even as all of the above culprits work against my creative juices during this particular election season. In an effort to produce something legible and mildly interesting, I began three separate drafts before heading to the shower, relinquishing myself to another barren blog day.  Finally, as I was on around stroke 90 of my 100 nightly hair-brushings I decided to kick the buckets of the last three drafts and try to express instead my main reasons for procrastination, give each culprit a name, and talk about why they haunt me. This is an exercise to open my mind and heart in hopes that something real and more meaningful can escape from the bars of my blocked intellect in future blog posts during this political season.

Anxiety/fear

 I fear a Republican president. Fiscally, I fear for the amount of lower and middle class Americans buying into a presidential candidate who does not have their best interest in mind. My opinion and belief is that while neither party is perfect and sound, the Democratic party represents my values and the values of "the people." I come from a family of doers, but we have had our struggles, and I have personally depended on pell grants and loans to aid in my education. As long as I can remember, I have identified with a "folksier" idealism.   This is the main reason why the Democratic platform speaks to me.  Secondly, I  hate that we are debating over civil rights for gay people and that we still face so many hurdles in order to gain the rights that my community so greatly deserves. I loathe the idea of taking major steps backward when we have taken great leaps toward equality in only the last couple of years.  Finally, I like affordable health care. My experience with it thus far has been pretty sweet. The refund check from my old insurance company, due to the affordable health care act was an added bonus.  I would prefer that not to go away. 

Hope/excitement

On the other hand, gay marriage is officially on the Democratic party platform. This is huge! This is wonderful! The feeling in my heart is like Christmas!  We are at the brink of real change. The idea that I could someday legally marry my wife in the state where we live fills me with so much hope and joy. The idea of future generations in our shoes, not having to experience the ugliness that surrounds this debate today is refreshing.  It is beautiful. I can taste it... we are so fucking close. 

Frustration

Demons come out in people in hot political climates. I hate the aggressive comments on Facebook, the outright bigotry, the disregard for others' feelings or personal plight. Self righteousness and arrogance trump reason, hard facts and manners. I am saddened that we seem to forget that we are all human. Most of us care deeply about our community, our country, and what our future, and the futures of our children will hold. We forget that there is room for all of us in this country, and we should be able to cooperate and work together to improve our own lives and those lives around us. There is certainly room for us to disagree, but there is no room in my heart, personally, for blatant disrespect.  Those of us whom are of legal age to vote are supposed to be grown ups, and I am afraid not everyone is acting the part. There seems to be more name calling, shit slinging and finger pointing than fact checking and researching, or even soul searching.  More so, I detest the ugliness that the demons bring out in people that I know or have known in the past. I like to practice keeping an open heart and mind, essentially believing that we are all inherently good and that things like hate, disrespect,and bigotry are somehow learned, or are stemmed from self consciousness or fear. Having such a deeply personal issue on the hot seat tests my compassion for people who believe themselves morally superior, especially when their example speaks quite the opposite.  I have to find a way to stand up for myself while keeping my personal peace intact.  It is uncomfortable at best, threatening at times. 

Romance

Kayla and I were set up on a semi blind date to watch the vice presidential debates four years ago. I was already impressed by her scorching good looks and her movie tastes listed in her Myspace profile, and as awkward as our first meeting was, her whip smart  commentary during the debate had me swooning. I was thrilled when she asked me to stay afterward for a beer, and from there we proceeded our rather slow courtship that resulted in the rockstar relationship that we have today. We honeymooned through the election season and baked an apple pie for America the night before the election, when we decided that we would be in a relationship, officially, and discussed in detail what that decision meant to each of us.  So when Obama was elected, we were fresh in love, full of hope for ourselves and our relationship, and full of a bursting hope for our country, that we agreed so passionately was not in the best hands with former President Bush. We cried and held hands as we watched him give his acceptance speech. It was so romantic and wonderful. People were dancing in the streets from west campus to downtown east Austin. I felt patriotic for the first time since I was a little girl, and I imagine those dancers in the street were feeling something similar.  So, as we begin to feel the first winds of fall blow into town, and feel the buzz of energy of election season spring into life, I can't help but have flashbacks of the woman I met four years ago, the sexy little beast who hates onions as much as I do and loves Pedro Almodovar, almost certainly more than I do.  She has deeply affected me, helped me to grow stronger and more solid in my convictions.  She holds my heart and breathes my ideals.  She feeds my passion, supports my endeavors and rocks my world.

These culprits compete for my attention.  I would love to spend these days dazzled by my love, and relishing in the memories of our budding romance that is still so strong today...but we are here now.  At this place in time.  And shit got serious.  We are a family now.  We share a house.  We share a life.  We are ready to have children.

We need this election.

Like Whoa. 

Tired of Talking about Chikin

 As I blog this, my heart races and I have trouble catching my breath.  I have to keep reminding myself that the intensity of this issue will pass away in a few days, and there will be more puppy and kitty posts on FB than heated arguments and finger pointing and arguments about who is right or wrong. Is the Chick Fil A issue about chikin, free speech, or equality?  If I seem angry or disdainful, it is because it hurts to be attacked on such a large scale.  Here again, the political is personal.  Painfully personal.  I try to not take the backlash to heart, but issues like this can't help but bring to light a certain ugliness in those around us that we would otherwise be ignorant to. Ouchy.

Here comes the rant!
Dan Cathy,  President of Chick Fil A's publicly speaking out against gay marriage stinks of publicity stunt to me.  He publicly spews his "family values" on a radio show, offending droves of people who get ruffled,  lash out and protest the company, sending out a backlash of support for Chick Fil A.  And boom.  They have lines for miles of God fearing anti protesters ready to gorge on fast food in the name of what is good and holy. Cha Ching! Chick Fil A win!  Kind of like the JC Penney/Ellen thing.  I get it. I did it too.

 I personally don't give a f--- about Chick Fil A.  After the food poisoning episode of 1998, I haven't touched the stuff.  As a rule, we don't eat fast food at all anymore so the possibility of finding myself in a situation where chikin would sound like a viable or even tasty option at this point is slimmest slim to none.   I am well aware that if given a list of all of the political organizations that were financially supported by all of the places that I patronize, I would find a few if not many that I would find the proverbial beef with, and I may or may not look for an alternative option, depending on how it affects me, my community and whether or not I feel like my dollar or my "$6.50" will make a difference or a dent.  But in this particular case, if I still ate chikin I would most certainly quit.  Why?  Because I can not, with good conscience, patronize a company that's President squeals  out so loudly and publicly against a right that I feel so strongly that I deserve as a human being, the right to be legally married to my wife, and then puts that chikin money right where his big loud mouth is and donates it to organizations like Family Research Council, Focus on the Family, Exodus (Proclaiming Freedom from Homosexuality since 1976), organizations that fight to keep homosexuals demoralized, ostracized and on unequal footing in the eyes of the law.  The above organizations  all sound quite nice and benign (with the exception of Exodus, which is seriously a head scratcher, or a knee slapper, in it's archaic ridiculousness)...but seriously, this is another can of worms and another blog all together.  My point is not just that I disagree with this stance, or that I believe him to be a bigot, or that I find it distasteful that he chooses to ostracize many of his patrons (I mean, gay people like chikin too!) it is that by patronizing his company, I would by default knowingly and willingly be donating money to these organizations. So there are many of us who want to get the word out as to why these issues are so important to us. My issue with Chick Fil A ends here.  I don't think the chikin business should be shut down, nor do I fancy that my monetary donation to an organization that aids in my fight for equality,  in the amount of a  chikin dinner, is going to immediately change the world, but it makes me feel better.  For some, protesting outside the Chick Fil A with a picket sign makes them feel better, and I am proud to see them standing up for themselves, for me, for our values. A dear friend told me this afternoon, as he was leaving me to go protest in front of our neighborhood Chick Fil A, that he wasn't protesting to change anyone's mind, he was protesting to raise awareness. He said "I don't want to argue with anyone.  I just want to put a face to the issue."

At the end of the day, as frustrated and bent out of shape as I can get over these issues, I have to remind myself that there is such a glimmer of hope in these times.  For me this issue is about equality.  And in this fight, we will struggle, just like we struggled in the fight for every civil liberty that we have gained thus far.  It will get better.  We are talking about it.  It is uncomfortable, painful and stressful, but damnit if it isn't going to be worth it!

And now for a couple of  fun quotes that I could not help but share!


  "Great food, shitty morals. I can't and won't tell someone how to run their business - but I won't support something that belittles me as an American and ultimately, a human being. :/"  -My friend Jacob

"I didn't eat at Chik Fil A or any other fast food restaurant today. Let's do ourselves a favor and boycott all of them, not for their political ideologies, but because they are physically killing us.
... " Anonymous FB friend

It is your right to disagree with homosexuality, but would Jesus Christ support discrimination? -My friend S

"If you are going to speak out publicly against [a group of people], and say a bunch of stupid shit about [group of people], that is well within your first amendment right.  You are then opening yourself up to criticism from anyone who disagrees with you.  If I want to point out publicly that you said some stupid shit and tell people that they shouldn't eat at your restaurant, that is well within my first amendment right."  -My lovely and ever so brilliant wife.

Walk, Drink, Eat Portland, Oregon

Portland Walks- Each day of vacation we started from our quaint little guest house in Woodstock, with the chickens and the homemade granola and coffee from Trader Joe's.  We walked through the neighborhood to our bus stop to admire the lush landscaping in the neighboring yards.  For us, Portland consisted of a lot of walking.  A lot.  I like to take in a new city by walking it.   The Clarks booties that I wear to sling hair for hours on end are not conducive to pounding pavement for any length of time.  Who knew? The first day, we walked 3 miles down Belmont, from a coffee shop to a cafe, admiring all of the beautiful old Victorian style houses that the "rich hippies" must live in.  By the time we arrived at a.n.d cafe my feet were destroyed, and for the rest of the vacation, it was all flip flops all the time for me. I always worry that I have packed too many shoes when I travel. This time I packed four too many pairs. 

Portland Drinks- One of my favorite things about Portland is Urban Wineries.  Grapes from Washington and California are delivered to these winery warehouses/tasting rooms in urban areas.  They make the wine, serve the wine, drink the wine, often alongside cheese plates and snacks, sometimes dinner.  We started off Sunday morning at Hip Chicks Do Wine for a little tasting.  When we told the owner what we were up to, she insisted on driving us over to Alchemy in her giant truck with the HIP CHICKS vanity plate on the front.  By then, it was 11:30 am, we were drunk and were pretty certain that the guy at Alchemy was too.  He drank with us as we tasted, served us a taste of the new wine that he was to bottle the next day, and entertained us until our cab arrived with stories of how he came to make wine, meet his wife, move to Portland and build his business.  All of these winemakers are so inspiring to us because they strike a chord.  They are doing something new with the urban winery.  They are bringing something to the community that the community didn't know that they needed.  They are making something amazing and lucrative and they "love doing what they do".  It is this spirit that has led me to work for myself, do the job that I do and live the life that I live, and what drives Kayla and I in our endeavors together, to tap into that creativity and turn it into livelihood.  And.  Drink. Wine.

Portland Eats-  Oregon's foodie culture is what inspired us to visit.  We gathered recommendations from friends and the Internet and set out to eat at the very best places.  Portland has a big food truck culture, but we skipped the trucks (and Mexican food) all together.  We have enough of that in Texas.  We sprang for the Asian food, the french inspired, the foodie food, and the local food. Two of my favorites were  Pok Pok and Clyde Commons.  They both left me craving more as soon as we finished our last bites.   Other notables were Besaw's, Toast, The Delta, and A.N.D. cafe.  I followed A.N.D. on Facebook for a couple of weeks, so I got to see photos of the daily specials and everything looked so amazing.  It is a vegan cafe that also serves a lot of gluten free options.  I am not vegan.  In fact, I love meat and I adore cheese.  So, I ordered the sandwich with fake meat, buffalo sauce and fake bleu cheese, because I will always order the thing on the menu that has buffalo sauce and bleu cheese.  It was impressive!  Afterwards, I was able to walk around without cramping!  I felt full and satisfied, but still light and energetic.  I am not jumping on the vegan bandwagon, but I did appreciate this food.  We ate plenty of pork the rest of the vacation to satisfy my carnivorous desires.  Last but certainly not least, my all time favorite was Bai Mint.  I can not stop thinking about the beef and pumpkin curry dish that we ordered.  It tasted like grandmas pot roast on thai crack.  We ate it two nights in a row and I dream of it daily.  I will study this dish and will not rest until I have it mastered.  So. Delicious.



Lavender Infused Gin cocktail at Besaw's

 

Coffee/Woodworking Warehouse

Besaw's Brunch



Vegan Bbq and Bleu Cheese.



Bai Mint Take Out

Vegan and Gluten Free Biscuits and Bacon and Eggs at a.n.d. Cafe

All Vegan at a.n.d.  I am surprisingly impressed.



Last Breakfast in Portland.  Toast in Woodstock.



Toast

 

Fancy sugar cubes at Clyde Commons, served with our coffee and brandy.



Move and Shake

Excitement!  Moments ago we just came to an amazing decision! We have been pricing all of our kitchen cosmetic updates for weeks. We were pretty stoked about the pretty new counter tops, tiling our own back splash, learning to tile a floor, etc...but at the same time we couldn't stop wondering out loud to each other how difficult it might be to tear down the half wall in order to make our kitchen bigger,open concept, with our farm style dining table floating in the middle.  The toss up is to remodel the shit out of the house that we live in, planning to stay here for the long haul, or do the cosmetic updates that will sell the house in a few years so that we can upgrade (and find things in the new house to change).  But tonight as I was browsing through local real estate listings...yes I still do that occasionally...hush...I found a home for sale (in our neighborhood) that had the kitchen that I have been daydreaming about, in a house that has a practically identical layout to ours.  It is possible that said kitchen even looked like ours at some point, or maybe it was built that way. Regardless,seeing the photo allowed me to envision exactly what ours would look like if that damned half wall was destroyed, and we added more counter space and cabinetry.  I had to interrupt Kayla from her book to share the photos. In a typical 5 minutes or less brainstorm session we came up with a plan for knocking out a wall, moving a fridge and a sink,expanding the pantry and essentially changing the look and functionality of our kitchen all together.  As we mapped it out from our lazy perches on the sofa, our minds seemed to simultaneously make themselves up.  We will do it.  We will slowly turn this house into  the best space for our personal living habits and we will stay here.  Indefinitely.  It requires a little more patience and money, but ultimately more satisfying in the long run.  In the short run we can still DIY the shit out of our smaller endeavors.  We have a patio to finish, some foundation to stain and some light fixtures to replace.  Move and shake!  Kayla is "nose back in book" and I am signing off for the night.

Peek Sneak

A couple of weeks ago I made the observation that  when we are finished working really hard at work we come home and work really hard at home.  Whether building furniture, tearing up our yard to build a new one, making clothes, purses and/or art, it is challenging for us to just sit and be still.  I thought it might be a nice idea to get out of town for a few days so that we aren't tempted by our house and our insatiable need to DO and MAKE. The month of July is a slow one for the hair business, so we decided to take advantage of it and go on a little vacation.  A belated honeymoon!   We decided on Portland.  Neither of us have ever been, the weather sounds nice, and people that we like tend to rave about it. We plan to have some  good food and wine (of course), and maybe sit and be still a couple of times.  In the meantime, business is still slow, and I have a lot of free time on my hands.  We have been bouncing around the idea of starting a little Etsy store for a while so I thought now would be a good time to start that rolling.  Naturally, our crafts are all over the place.  Our products range from little purses to cool furniture pieces, all made from recycled materials. My eye for finding treasures among other people's trash, picking out materials and coming up with new ideas, coupled with Kayla's sewing and woodworking skills, astoundingly endless reserve  of patience, and an eye for detail makes us a pretty rad and crafty team.  I think turning these passions into a business is the obvious next step.  We started doing this stuff to fulfill our own needs, and the "doing" turned into an obsession.  It makes sense that if we like the stuff, someone else will too, and we can get paid to keep making it. I hope so, because it's fun.

We hope to have our first furniture piece (coffee table) and to launch our first clutch collection in the fall.  Here is a sneak peek of what is to come.  Enjoy your peek and your day!

This clutch used to be jeans and a flannel shirt.



The inside of these clutches have designated slots for your lipstick, credit card, and smartphone!



The floral one is made from one of our leftover wedding linens (that Kayla made from old sheets).  Laundered, of course. The lining, not pictured here, came from a pair of pinstriped trousers.



Here is the base for the new coffee table, made from reclaimed lumber.

Here is the top.  An old window!

I repositioned some art on the wall today and took a photo to share with Kayla.  I posted it here to show you the entertainment center that started the avalanche of refinishing.  I found this monster in the breezeway of our old apartment building.  It had a ridiculous faux wood grain 70s asian inspired laquered finish and shutter doors in the middle.  We took the cabinet doors off, sanded everything down to refinish, freshened up the hardware and turned the middle drawers into shelves for our TV equipment....We need a bigger TV.  Bertie photobombs.



Sigh DIY

  I havent blogged in a while, but we have been busy! Business on the DIY front is strong.  Hot damn, it's been hot, and the heat has cooked our brains into overload.   The best thing to do is to stay inside, blast yourself with artificial coolant,  busy yourself with your favorite indoor activities, and make plans. Plans to do this, plans to do that...and wait.  BUT! The last two days we have gotten sweet relief from the heat.  While we haven't finished a single project (blame it on the heat, blame it on our shared OCD brain), we have several that are underway, and this weekend's cool front inspired us to make progress where progress was long overdue.  The gravel patio that we started and abandoned weeks ago made some headway yesterday.  We got the border put in, levelled the ground and laid down the paver steps.  While we were working, the wind started blowing and  the temperature dropped a good 10-20 degrees.   As we labored, a few raindrops came down.  The drastic temperature change, coupled with these heavenly drops was recipe for mad abandon of fatigue and a drive to delve into our work with a new sense of inspiration and energy.  We knew it was only a matter of a day or even hours until the sun punishes us with her heady heat again.  We had to act fast!  We got excited.  The dogs got excited. We had to wet the dirt to get the patio border in the ground, so there was mud everywhere, and Bertie and Marybelle appropriately got muddy as hell.  At the end of the day we got this (pictured below), and Bertie and Marybelle got baths.

Major improvement from a few weeks ago.  Where you see dirt, soon there will be gravel, eventually a pergola to cover the slab, which may or may not eventually be stained for a more polished look. 


Here is what else we have been up to lately...

Last weekend we bid farewell to some good friends that I used to work with in a salon.  They sold their home and moved to be closer to family.  We had a nice coffee party and when we left, they gave us an iris from their garden to plant in ours.  Instead of just potting it, we braved one of our hottest days of the summer thus far making a nice new bed in the shade to plant this iris, who had made her home in a pond of water before.  We vowed to baby this girl so she can survive her new digs. I have been watering her at least once if not twice a day, and so far she is doing okay, a little shocked, but Oka-ay...ehr, I have hope.

When we are in moving/shaking frenzy mode (when are we not?), we sometimes like to scour Craigslist to find free treasures to improve our home environment.  This week we came across an ad for free wood at a curb that was in our neighborhood,so we drove over (in two trips) and scored some reclaimed lumber.  Kayla is using some of it to build a badass coffee table (more on that later), but we used these cute wooden frames to start some new raised garden beds in our lawn.  Here they are...

 We are using the lasagna gardening technique.  Instead of digging up the grass or killing it with chemicals, we just laid down the frame, threw several layers of newspaper and put wine bottles on top in order to hold them down until we get around to coming up with some dirt, mulch, and plants to fill in the beds properly.  In the meantime, the grass will die and the newspapers will slowly decompose, eventually becoming compost for our future grub.

I believe a collective prayer has been answered.  It rained early this morning.  Real rain,as in water falling consistenly from the sky, complete with dark gray clouds.  It helped set the paver stones into our patio area and cooled us down to a delightful degree.  More important, it set the tone for a cozy, romantic, deliciously quiet, but productive day. We didn't have to run the AC at all, spent the entire day puttering around the house, sewing pillows, hemming curtains, touching up paint, making things,  etc.  Come dinner time, the magic reigned and we spent a good hour outside having dinner, chocolate and wine, and dreaming of projects to come, not sweating our asses off and not warding off flesh devouring mosquitios.  This phenomenon in the end days of June, early July in Austin Texas is something to Soak. Up.  We did!